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I Wish PC was my PIC
PC = Peter Chiarelli
PIC = Partner in Crime
That was the most catchy thing I could come up with to convey how much I love Peter Chiarelli as the GM of the Boston Bruins.
But this isn't a post about the affinity I have towards good old Pete, this is a post about how dirty he has been since taking the job back in 2006.
First of all, if you're like me and limit yourself to reading 25 words a day as it is for geek as nerds and old people, then just know that Peter Chiarelli has emerged as the best general manager in the NHL.
For all you geek ass nerds and old people that love reading, here we go:
Before PC got here, the Bruins had just finished an impressive 74-point season to finish near the top of the Eastern Conference. And by near the top, I mean 13th overall. Pretty pathetic.
Oh yeah, and they had just made one of the worst trades in NHL history trading away Jumbo Joe Thornton, the captain, for fucking Brad Stuart (average player), Marco Sturm (always injured fan favorite), and Wayne Primeau (truly a waste of a space).
So why PC ever took the job is beyond me. I can think of like 20 other NHL jobs at the time that would've been better.
On a positive note, the interim GM at the time actually annihilated the draft that year drafting Sig Hansen lookalike Phil Kessel, Looch, and Rad Marchand. And that's not a typo. If you haven't listened to Rad Marchand on Toucher & Rich, I'm not going to type another word until you listen to it.
But he took the job and has really been the best thing for the Bruins.
NOTE: I am going to reflect on these transactions by memory as I am far too lazy to look them up.
The first move I can remember PC making was trading for The Finger. He traded 2/3 of the Joe Thornton trade (Brad Stuart and Wayne Primeau) to Calgary for Ference and Chucky Kosabew (easily one of my favorite Bruins of all time).
WINNER: Bruins. Ference sucked big time early on in his Bruins career, to the point where I swore I would kick him in the balls if I ever met him. But he has since proven to be a leader in the locker room, cultivating the "we will beat the shit out of you if you try anything" attitude that permeates from the current day team.
Danny Paille: PC traded a 3rd and a conditional 4th rounder to Buffalo in exchange for him.
Winner: Bruins. They were 3rd and 4th rounders and Paille has been one of the most reliable penalty killers in the game. He also brings a ton of energy.
Kris Versteeg: PC traded Kris Versteeg to the Blackhawks for Brandon Bochenski.
WINNER: Clearly the Blackhawks. Kris Versteeg won the Cup in Chicago and is now in the top of the league in scoring. I'd be surprised if Bochenski even had a job at all these days. Any job. Easily PC's worst trade.
Manny Fernandez: He traded Petr Kalus and a 4th rounder to Minny for Fernandez.
WINNER: Bruins. Petr Kalus never blew up and Manny, along with Timmy won the William Jennings Trophy in 2009 as the goalie duo to give up the least amount of goals in the league.
Mark Recchi: PC traded Matt Lashoff and Martins Karstums for Recchi and a 2nd rounder which would later be traded in the Dennis Seidenberg deal.
WINNER: Bruins. Lashoff and Karstums played on the big stage, but sucked. Mark Recchi should have his number retired by the B's for everything he has done to the culture in Boston.
Dennis Seidenberg: Traded Craig Weller, Byron Bitz, and the 2nd rounder he got in the Recchi deal to Florida for Seids and Matt Bartowski.
WINNER: Clearly Bruins. They got a top D Man and the team's 7th defenseman for almost nothing.
Johnny Boychuk: He traded Matt Hendricks for Boych in 2008.
WINNER: Push/slight edge to the Bruins. Hendricks is a pretty dec player, but Boychuk is a top 4 D Man on the defending Stanley Cup Champs. Even if his eyes are close enough together to be considered a cyclops, he's got a legit bomb of a shot and is a pretty solid player.
Adam McQuaid: Traded a 5th rounder to the Blue Jackets for him.
WINNER: Bruins. Mcquaid for a 5th rounder is a steal. I mean, did you see what he did to Raffi Torres' face last night? He actually added some red color to his albino mongoloid head. Unfortunately, that 5th rounder turned into Jamie Benn, but that's just good drafting by the other team.
Chris Kelly: PC traded a 2nd rounder to Ottawa for him last year.
WINNER: Too early to tell, but for now, gotta go Bruins. Chris Kelly is so defensively responsible to go along with his great speed and versatility. He's a guy you need on your team to win the Cup.
Rich Peverley: Traded Blake Wheeler and Mark Stuart to Hotlanta for Rich Peverley and Boris Valabik.
WINNER: Close, but Bruins. I hated to see Stu get traded and I always liked how hard Blake the Snake played, but Pev has been better than anyone expected. I would go so far as to say he's my favorite player right now. Another guy that you need on your team to win the Cup.
Tomas Kaberle: Traded Joe Colborne, a 1st rounder, and a 2nd rounder to Toronto for Kaberle.
WINNER: Toronto. Kaberle straight up sucked in Boston and that was a shit ton to give up for a rental. Congrats, Brian Burke, you almost made up for the Tuukka and Seguin trades.
Joe Corvo: PC traded a 4th rounder to Carolina for him this off season.
WINNER: Unless Carolina pulls a Dallas and drafts a Jamie Benn, gotta go Bruins. I was suspect of Corvo when he got traded here, but he's been great so far. He has the quickest feet of any Bruins D Man which is sorely needed sometimes. He's also never afraid to shoot and is on a 40-point pace right now, which is definitely legit.
Nathan Horton and Greg Campbell: Traded Dennis fucking Wideman, a 1st and a 3rd for Nathan Horton and Gregory Campbell.
WINNER: Definitely Bruins. This was a steal. You can't even do this deal in NHL '12. The B's got a top-line winger and one of the better 4th line centers in recent history for the worst defensman in recent history and a couple picks.
Tyler Seguin Trade: Traded Phil Kessel for Tyler Seguin, Jared Knight, and Dougie Hamilton.
WINNER: Looks like the Bruins, but it's way too early to tell and Toronto isn't exactly hating this deal. But to get a potential superstar center, a potential top six winger, and a potential top 2 defenseman all in the same deal is ridiculous.
On a side note, if you're still reading, this post took me like 4 hours. I completely misjudged how many great moves PC has made.
But I guess that just shows how dirty he's been as the GM of the Bruins.
Sox Acquire Ryan Sweeney!
Just weeks after trading for early-stage werewolf lookalike Mark Melancon, it looks like Ben Cherington has struck again.
Multiple outlets are reporting that the Sox have acquired OF Ryan Sweeney from the A's in a five-player deal.
Sweeney is 4th OF by trade and would never ever start in a big market like Boston.
By now I'm sure you can tell I am joking (and if you can't, you need to either grow up or pay attention to Boston sports more...so grow up either way) as the bigger part of this deal was the Sox acquiring closer Andrew Bailey.
Headed to the wondering, flourishing, not-crime-ridden town of Oakland is Josh Reddick, Single-A 1B prospect Miles Head, and 19-year-old gun slinger Raul Alcantara.
As Rotoworld says above, this is a great trade for the Sox if Bailey can stay healthy.
He's only 27 and was the Rookie of the Year in 2009. Last year he closed out 24 games with a 3.24 ERA and a 1.10 WHIP. He also had 41 K's in 41.2 innings.
24 saves isn't anything to write home about or even write on your website about, but when you realize that the Oakland A's are like the Ross Ventrone of the MLB, 24 saves isn't bad.
No disrespect, Ross, you still got a sick flow.
Plus, he only makes like $500,000 and is under team control until 2014.
So the back end of the bullpen is looking strong again and, unlike with Paps at the back end, if Bailey sucks for a stretch, you can move him into the set up role and move Melancon back to close.
And vicey versey.
Hopefully, Cherington will still pursue some starting pitching, I'm hoping for Matt Garza as part of a larger Theo and prospects for Garza deal.
Then Aceves is your 5 starter and you can move Bard back to the pen to round out a pretty dirty pitching staff.
And before you start bitching that it's unrealistic, check this shit out. Word on the street is the Sox are still in on Garza.
So hopefully I'll be writing soon about how sick that Garza to the Sox deal was.
Sox Trade for Werewolf?
Yes, says this observer.
The Sox traded SS Jed Lowrie and RHP Kyle Weiland to the Astros today for RP Mark Melancon.
And apparently it's pronounced mel-AN-sin and not Melan-Cone.
But more importantly, he looks like if Josh Hamilton was in the early stages of turning into a werewolf. Getting the jacked upper body and the nose starting to form into a snout.
Don't tell me you don't see it because I know you do.
He's an early-stage Josh Hamilton werewolf.
And he's an early-stage Josh hamilton werewolf that throws hard, has a dirty cutter, and closed for the Astros last year.
So it was a necessary move for a bullpen that was starving for a dude who doesn't like giving up leads late in games.
But I really like this move IF Melancon isn't the closer next year.
I'm sure he would do a solid job, but he's a decent closer and a sick set up man.
So hopefully the Sox bring in an Andrew Bailey or a Ryan Madsen.
Oh yeah, and Cherington also signed Nick Punto to a 2-year deal today.
He's good at defense.
Celts Making Some Big Boy Moves
Ok so I'm tired as shit right now so this should be an interesting post.
But DA isn't waiting around for David Stern (or Donald Sterns, as some refer to him) to play fantasy GM anymore.
Today, he FINALLY traded Glen "Big Maybe" Davis to Orlando for PF Brandon Bass.
I don't even know why I wrote "Big Maybe." It's not even funny. And I don't even know if it makes sense. But whatever. It's the first thing that popped into my tired-ass dome-piece.
But as much as I liked Baby, I'm glad to see him leave.
There was just too much bullshit that came with his 10 points a night.
I really hope Baby meets that little kid that he pushed when he won Game 4 down in Orlando in 2008.
Just two fat kids doing fat kid stuff. No big deal.
But Brandon Bass has a very similar skill set to Big Baby except he probably doesn't cry when teammates try to make him pay attention or drool all over the court after a big shot.
Bass is a ridiculous rebounder and has dec offensive skills.
The bigger news of this night, which I will put an end to very soon, is that the Celts are close to signing F David West.
Now that is a big boy move if I've ever seen one.
David West is a legit scorer. Like All-Star legit.
And a starting five of Rondo, Ray Ray, Paul, KG, and David West is a little undersized but easily one of the best starting five's in the league.
It seems clear that DA is trying to make one more last last last run at a championship, which I guess isn't any different than what we've been hearing the last 3 years.
Danny, now go sign Delonte, Marquis Daniels, and a couple others and this team is surprisingly looking pretty good.
Papi to Accept Arbitration
Latest word on the street is Papi will accept arbitration and bank about 13-14 mil next year to DH for the Sox unless he and Cherington can hammer out a 2-year deal, which is still a possibility.
This is a no-brainer for both sides. The Sox bring back arguably the face of their franchise and Papi won't get more money next year than he will through arbitration. Plus, no team is going to give up two 1st rounders for a DH so it's pretty much Red Sox or retire and focus on developing your hot mango salsa chain, Papi.
But anyways, being the Boston sports connoisseur that I am, I try to see both sides of arguments. But I honestly can't see how people can say this is a bad deal.
The only thing I can think of is the price. 14 mil is a little steep for a guy that doesn't play the field.
But I'm talking about the peeps that say Papi's done and re-signing him would be a huge mistake.
If you are one of those people, remind me to round house kick your face off of your face next time I see you.
I'm not even going to preface this in any way: .309, 29 bombs, 96 RBI, .398 OBP, 84 runs, 1 stolen base.
You don't let a guy who delayed steals you a bag every year just walk away.
Seriously though, consistent 30 homer guys are about as abundant as double rainbows. They don't come around often.
Which is why bringing back Papi isn't just a good move; it's a necessary one.
Anybody See This Dude Last Night?
What a champion.
Dude just owns the promo for some random company who probably paid a ton of money and lost sleep worrying about if it was the right time slot and stuff.
Then boom, dude hitting the flask, nobody knows what the hell the promo was for. Hilarious.
More people were thinking about flasks at that point than the promo.
Tough break for the promo.
Bobby V is the New Coach of Your Boston Red Sox
Multiple outlets are confirming that the 45th manager of the Boston Red Sox will be none other than Bobby effing Valentine.
You might know Bobby Valentine from his absurdly idiotic commentary during Sunday Night Baseball games.
And if you don't know who Bobby Valentine is, just have a conversation with a 5-year old and you won't be far off.
Either way, get used to him because he is the manager of the Sox.
Bobby Valentine has won exactly nothing since he decided to go down the manager career path.
He did manage the 2000 Mets to the World Series, but they were promptly annihilated by roger Clemens and the Yanks when Clemens threw the bat at Piazza.
Remember that? That was 11 years ago. Crazy.
Anyways, I know I just spent the last few hundred words trashing Bobby Valentine, but I really don't mind the Bobby V move.
I just have trouble seeing him stack up to Tito which makes me wonder why the hell they tossed Tito out in the first place.
But Bobby V will be a great players coach that has big market experience. He will also lighten the mood of a clubhouse that couldn't sneeze last year without getting stressed out about it.
Bobby V will never cease to entertain us so I guess that's something to look forward to.
I mean, at the end of the day, honestly, what the hell do I know? What the hell does anybody know?
A bunch of idiots broke an 86-year-old curse once upon a time, maybe an idiot is just what the Sox need to lead them back to greatness.
I Didn't Know Matt Lauer Was a B's Fan
That's ridiculous.
The Boston Brewers? What a joke.
Thanks for the effort, Lauer.
I wonder what the Milwaukee Bruins think of this.
Maybe do a little research next time. Stanley Cup Champs buddy. Probably why Cam Neely is waving to people with the Stanley Cup next to him.
More importantly, how drunk is Cam Neely right there probably?
I'm not saying that because he looks drunk, but in my professional opinion, he has to be hammered.
He's not standing on a parade float waving to random peeps for 2 hours while the doucher who is announcing the thing screws up the franchise name that he fought and bled his own blood for without being hammered.
Tends to facilitate those types of situations.
The Cubs are Sveum-ful; Theo is Delusional
Sveum comes in to the video at the 2:35 mark. I don't know why I posted it. It's kind of weird. But sweet video, Dale.
Get it?
Because Svuemful sounds like shameful...is what I was going for.
But the Cubs named Dale Sveum as manager today and people in Chicago are acting like Theo pulled a fast one on the Red Sox.
Like he stole Dale Sveum out from under our collective noses.
First of all, it's fucking Dale Sveum. The guy was hands down the worst 3rd base coach in Red Sox history. If he was a traffic cop, he's be responsible for more deaths a year than fires, which is a lot.
Second of all, there were reports that Sveum went back to the Red Sox after getting the offer from the Cubs to give them a chance to match the offer.
I'm no mensa candidate, but I'm pretty sure that means the Sox told Sveum no and then he went back to the Cubs.
Either way, I wouldn't be too worried considering, once again, it's fucking Dale Sveum.
But the lack of a managerial-filled quota leads me to the next bit of info.
Apparently, the Sox have since met with resident idiot ESPN Sunday Night Baseball announcer and Goosebumps enthusiast Bobby Valentine.
I just don't care anymore. I just want the Sox to name a damn manager already.
Lastly, even though he's gone, Theo is still screwing the Red Sox.
The latest report on the negotiations for his compensation is that they are postponed until December.
Similarly, a report out of this website is that this shit is officially ridiculous.
Theo said the other day that he just doesn't think he's worth that much. And we can only assume that that is the major hold up right now.
Uhhh, newsflash, Pearl Jam. You were arguably the most successful GM for the Boston Red Sox during a tenure which included ending an 86-year-old World Series drought and tacking on another one for good measure.
Not to mention the Sox let you out of your current deal to become the PRESIDENT of one of the most recognizable organizations in the world.
So I'd say you have some value.
Whatever. The Sox need to get their shit together. I'm going to go watch the Bruins.
Get it?
Because Svuemful sounds like shameful...is what I was going for.
But the Cubs named Dale Sveum as manager today and people in Chicago are acting like Theo pulled a fast one on the Red Sox.
Like he stole Dale Sveum out from under our collective noses.
First of all, it's fucking Dale Sveum. The guy was hands down the worst 3rd base coach in Red Sox history. If he was a traffic cop, he's be responsible for more deaths a year than fires, which is a lot.
Second of all, there were reports that Sveum went back to the Red Sox after getting the offer from the Cubs to give them a chance to match the offer.
I'm no mensa candidate, but I'm pretty sure that means the Sox told Sveum no and then he went back to the Cubs.
Either way, I wouldn't be too worried considering, once again, it's fucking Dale Sveum.
But the lack of a managerial-filled quota leads me to the next bit of info.
Apparently, the Sox have since met with resident idiot ESPN Sunday Night Baseball announcer and Goosebumps enthusiast Bobby Valentine.
I just don't care anymore. I just want the Sox to name a damn manager already.
Lastly, even though he's gone, Theo is still screwing the Red Sox.
The latest report on the negotiations for his compensation is that they are postponed until December.
Similarly, a report out of this website is that this shit is officially ridiculous.
Theo said the other day that he just doesn't think he's worth that much. And we can only assume that that is the major hold up right now.
Uhhh, newsflash, Pearl Jam. You were arguably the most successful GM for the Boston Red Sox during a tenure which included ending an 86-year-old World Series drought and tacking on another one for good measure.
Not to mention the Sox let you out of your current deal to become the PRESIDENT of one of the most recognizable organizations in the world.
So I'd say you have some value.
Whatever. The Sox need to get their shit together. I'm going to go watch the Bruins.
Looking Good, Paille...
You can barely notice that your face was exploded by a solid rubber disk going 90+ mph.
It looks fine. Just tape it up and get back out there.
Seriously though, nobody is talking about how much of a bullshit shot that was by Steve Staios.
It's easy to overlook because guys block slapshots all the time, but the difference is Paille wasn't trying to block that shot.
I mean, if he wasn't wearing a visor, Danny Paille could be dead right now.
Side note - Paille, how do you feel about still being alive?
And I'm no hockey scientist, but I'm pretty sure that's unnacceptable.
There is a reason you never see dudes get blasted in the face when another dude tries to shoot as hard as he can; it's because defensemen have a responsibility to keep slapshots from the point low for that exact reason.
So I wouldn't be surprised if the B's let Steve Staios know how they feel about it the next time the B's play the Islanders.
And it's not that Staios is a dirty player or anything, far from it. But you just don't shoot that puck off the halfwall like that. It was just a bad decision.
The great thing about Paille, though, is that he won't hesitate for a second next time he has to block a shot again.
So hopefully Paille will be back soon throwing his face in front of slapshots in no time.
